You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
