Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize