I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's blow job season.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
