im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
