i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
