I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
