so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
