I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize