dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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