I am in a vortex of obligation.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
