Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
