how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
