remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
