the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
