did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
