First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
