i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
