either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
