I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
