So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
