i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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