At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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