Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
