She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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