just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
