nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
