your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
