do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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