i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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