shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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