I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
