no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
