I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize