I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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