Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
