too bad you live with your parents still
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize