This girl is more easily done than said...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
