I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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