the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize