32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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