I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think my moral compass just broke
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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