i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
