So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
