I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
