The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
17 year olds will be the death of me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
