Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize