I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
