yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
