Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
So many bounce houses so little time
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
