This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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