If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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