I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
