god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize