smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
