It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
