I feel like abortions should bother me more
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
