Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
