I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
