I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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