I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
