Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize