So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
