did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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