This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
