Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
