So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
