Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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