R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
