the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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