Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
