Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
