I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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