I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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